WIDE AWAKE NOG NOG PARTY

CHRISTMAS -- THE MUSICAL
Performed by
WIDDERSHINS

(All lights off except for a spotlight on Duane.)

Duane: Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a spoon.

(Silence? Laughter? Something?)

Duane: Yeah… so as I was saying. Nothing was stirring, and that meant no cookies.

(Other lights turn on the band)

All: No Cookies?!?

Mike: What will we give Santa?

Scott: What will Jesus eat?

Taylor: What’s a cookie?

All: (resounding laughter)

Duane: Don’t you worry, we’ll fix sumpin’ nice for Jesus and Santa. With a little ingenuity and careful planning, we’ll fool everyone into thinking they’re eating real cookies!

(Start “Why I Like Mursic”) click to download a bootleg mp3!



Scott: Why did we play that song? That had nothing to do with fake cookies.

Duane: We played it because it got us in the spirit of making stuff. And it helped distract me from porno.

Taylor: Hey guys… let’s get back to the issue. We need to make something so Santa will bring us presents and Jesus will get born. I haven’t been good all year for nuthin’.

All: (resounding laughter)

Duane: Oh Taylor, this’ll be the best Christmas ever! I’m sure Mike has some ideas about how to make some cookies.

Mike: Well guys, as you were talking, I was contemplating how I was going to fix my refrigerator at home and rehearsing my guitar solo for the next song at the same time in my head, but that didn’t keep me from coming up with a way to make the best Christmas cookies ever.

Scott: You have a guitar solo in this next song?

All: (resounding laughter)

(Start “Why Bother”)



Taylor: Wow! That sure is a great song. It really made me want to continue our quest for making fake cookies. So Mike, what’s your big plan.

Mike: Well guys, I’m going to need some duct tape, laundry detergent, pvc pipe, a router, and a few Bi-Lo Bakery doughnuts.

(Taylor, Duane and Scott go back stage and return with the requested materials. Mike wanks on his guitar while waiting. The boys set all the materials on a table near Mike)

Duane: I can’t wait to see this.

Scott: So Mike, what can we do to help?

Mike: Let’s play some music.

Taylor: But what about the fake cookies?

Mike: (In as sinister of a voice as possible) I said, let’s play some music.

(Start “Mystery Flavored Airheads”)

Taylor: When are we going to play a Christmas song?

(Mike goes over to the table with the materials on them and starts making lots of racket)

Scott: As soon as you can learn to play our originals without any mistakes! (rimshot)

Taylor: Hey Scott, if you’d learn to…

Duane: (hesitate for an obvious fake interruption) Now boys, if you don’t play nice, Santa’s not going to be born and Jesus isn’t going to bring you any presents (sic). Now let’s settle down and start making those cookies. Mike, What do you need us to do?

Mike: That’s OK guys. I think I’ve got it almost worked out here. I need to let them rest for a couple of minutes, so maybe we should play a song to pass the time.

Taylor: Wow Mike, you think of everything!

Mike: Thanks Taylor. But it’s not what’s in here (points to his head) it’s what’s in here (points to heart).

Taylor: Just like Jesus and Santa Claus! Hey, I know, Let’s play Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer!



(Start “Rudolph”)

(During “Rudolph”, HELPER #17 will replace the materials on the table with cookies as discreetly as possible)

Scott: Hey everybody, It looks like playing that song was the secret to turn all of those things into delicious cookies. (A cheesy pun or joke would be great here)

Duane: So let that be a Christmas lesson for all of us. You don’t need cookie dough to make cookies, and even if the bass player can’t play all the original songs perfectly, it’s still alright to play one or two Christmas songs.

Mike: I think before we end this play, we should go backstage and build up some finale anticipation. And maybe while we’re backstage, HELPER #17 could pass out the cookies we made to everyone in the audience.

Taylor: Wow Mike, You think of everything!

Mike: Remember, It’s what’s in here! (points to heart)



(Boys go backstage and change into angel costumes and come back out – Start “Silver Bells”)

(Big Widdershins ending)

Thanks Fellas!!!

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